she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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