I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
