So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
