strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I'm really busy with my period
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