I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
NoShamevember. You game?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
