I accidentally had phone sex last night
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
