Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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