Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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