would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
