Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OPIZZABONMYDICK
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Randomize
