its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
