I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
