He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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