so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
