Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
