Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
