So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
