If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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