i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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