I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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