Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
