She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
third nipple confirmed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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