I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
