Welp...herpes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
