The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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