The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
