Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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