People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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