My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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