when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
