I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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