We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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