let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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