I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
