I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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