I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
