either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
