dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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