i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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