i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
