new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
