apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
