I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
