I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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