Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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