new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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