You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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