you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
