Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
