porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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