you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
